Posted by: justbewhoyouare | June 14, 2010


The most important and profound relationship you can possibly ever have is the one you have with yourself, where honor, acceptance, respect, love and compassion govern. It’s so easy to focus on the external in search of love because that’s what we think will generate the feelings of love. Most of us have looked for love outside ourselves in a relationship with another. But, there is a place inside all of us that is full of the feelings of love, adoration, and acceptance. These traits of love are inside us. They’re not elicited by someone else, they’re only reflected by someone else, like having a special mirror that shows you something that you don’t see yourself. It’s in you but you don’t see it. At your core, you are love. That’s who you are. That includes the incredible feelings of the bliss of love. 

The feelings of love can be experienced when we follow our joy. There are parts of ourselves that seek to be expressed but usually, once we’ve created a comfortable life style, we cease to entertain these parts of ourselves any longer. This is the equivalent of refusing to love ourselves. We don’t give ourselves the freedom to be expressed. Instead, we compromise by continuing to do things that don’t thrill us at all. I know this about compromising my joy very well. I had plenty of excuses for not following my joy. I knew I had so much potential but it was easier to point out all kinds of reasons why I couldn’t do my heart’s desire rather than to just take the plunge and follow my joy no matter what, including how much it might cost me. I kept telling myself that just as soon as everything falls in place, then I’ll choose my freedom. Meanwhile, I continued to ignore my desires for expression. But you cannot choose your freedom in the future. You cannot bring forth your expression in the future. You can only create now. As soon as you attach to something in the future, it disappears. It’s like trying to grasp the moonlight. It disappears. You can only begin now. 

I had to finally confront myself by asking, “How much do I want my freedom? Can I love myself enough to risk losing everything I’ve identified with up until now? Everything I’ve been clinging onto for comfort and safety?” There is so much familiarity and security in limitation. I was attached to my limitations because, as frustrating as they were, they were familiar and I could point them out. Oh how I loved to point them out. This is what I call my addiction to emotional pain. This addiction was a part of my very existence for most of my life. On some level, I loved my suffering. I always had plenty of reasons why I was not following my joy trail. But they were always just excuses. There was no one else limiting me. I was not a victim of life’s circumstances because I was the creator of those circumstances. 

Once I grew incredibly tired of my empty life, I decided that I wanted to instead create a life full of joy. To begin this, I had to first acknowledge the unfulfilling world I had already created. I had to accept that I am a grand creator and here I am in this situation, without judgment, without identifying my creation as good or bad, because that is just a label of the mind. All creation is appropriate—neither good or bad. There are no mistakes. There is no wrong creation. As limiting as I wanted to judge it to be, I had to be fully in the middle of my creation, right now. Wow, look at my amazing creatorship abilities! When you fully acknowledge every creation as your own and honor yourself for that creation, then you’ll become more and more conscious of how you’re creating. You can then create more consciously what you really want. But it begins with absolute acceptance of what is. This is where compassion comes in—absolute acceptance of everything you’ve created, which is, every part of your life. Don’t look at a part of your life and say, “what an awful creation.” It was your creation. Take off the judgment. Do you see a crooked tree and say, “Boy, God really screwed up there?” No. It’s just a tree, having the experience of being crooked. Take off the judgment of your creation and you will begin to set yourself free. Fully accepting and experiencing the here and now without agenda is where your power is. This is also the recipe for developing the most profound relationship you can ever have—the one with yourself.


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