Posted by: justbewhoyouare | November 3, 2010


There is something inside humans that makes us long for love. Usually, seeing someone we feel is beautiful will stimulate these feelings of wanting. At times, some would call this desire being “horny”. In this case, we have tapped into a desire for love and have linked that desire to sexual feelings. This triggers an aspect of humans that is manipulative and controlling; that will go out of its way to get that need filled. And since that other person has this same feeling of needing love, they will often give consent to your desire. This becomes a mutual shared feeding off of each others energies based on a deep desire within for love, and this desire gets filled through sexuality.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with having sexual desires or with expressing them, nor is there anything wrong with mutual feeding off of each other in order to get your needs satisfied. It’s just that this very need exists because an aspect of you believes it needs someone on the outside to fill you up with love because, the belief says, if you don’t get it from the outside, you won’t have that love at all. This aspect of humans drives them to search for what they call their soul mate, or that one person who they think is their other half. This concept is based on a belief within the culture that says I am not whole and therefore need someone outside of me to complete me. But this is an illusion.

You see, nearly all relationships involve partners who each hold this belief that they alone are not enough. Therefore they each mutually feed off each other so that together they can feel complete. This is how romance begins and these “falling in love” emotions convince both individuals that they have finally found that one person who will complete them. But again, this is an illusion. Yet, both enter into a marriage hoping that the other will continue to give them this love they have found. If at any time after that one of the couple stops giving that love, it has the potential to destroy the relationship. This is because each one is expecting the other to be for them something that is impossible for them to be—their other half.

The reason for this is that you don’t need another half because you are not incomplete. You don’t need someone else to fill that longing need because you already have this love on the inside. In fact, your very essence is this love. We all have the unconditional love of Source energy, what some call God, within us. We’ve had it in us since birth. Well actually, we’ve eternally been this because we are Source energy. This is the very essence of who we are—we are unconditional love. However, such an idea is extremely foreign to the vast majority of humans because we were taught that we need something or someone on the outside of us to make us whole.

For a large chunk of the world, this belief actually stems from the Christian teaching that you are a sinner and need Jesus to save you. Such a belief naturally causes a deep sense of unworthiness. If you find Jesus, you now feel you have been saved but that’s only the beginning. This desire to be filled up continues even after you profess that Jesus is your savior. Then you have to seek daily for his grace and love to get you through the daily traumas of life on planet Earth. In fact, this is why the savior concept is so inviting to humans, because of the challenge of living on the planet while under the guise of being a victim. However, it is because you have not taken responsibility to love yourself unconditionally, expecting Jesus to give you this love instead, that each day you need to continually rely on Jesus, without whom, your own belief says you would be dead spiritually.

You may not be a very religious person but if you were brought up in a Christian home you will have this belief engrained deep in your psyche. You may seldom even think about Jesus, but you know you always have this aspect of you that doesn’t feel complete and I’m suggesting this aspect comes from these core religious beliefs. This part of us drives us to find a lover who will give us this love that we seek. But this drive comes from the root teaching that you need a savior in your life. And so there is a part of your very make up that never feels completely loved, accepted, or understood.

There is something inside a large number of people today that is questioning this belief system. This may not be a conscious questioning, but the challenges of being on the planet have intensified and this has driven many back to their Christian roots. And yet, there is a hollow feeling about it because despite coming together for worship with fellow Christians, and despite having the Bible to read for reassurance that Jesus’ love is all they need, there is conflict within them that they don’t like and is quite disconcerting and that the Bible does not address in a satisfactory way.

Some preachers say that these could very well be the last days and therefore now more than ever it is important that you hang onto your faith in Jesus as your savior. However, when a belief is based on an illusion (and let’s call an illusion exactly what it is—a lie), then the results of believing that lie are always going to be based also on a lie. This is why the world has had Christianity for 2000 years and yet there has never been any lasting world peace. If anything, the Christian belief has perpetuated suffering because, despite Jesus’ teaching to turn the other cheek, Christianity has seldom practiced true forgiveness (which really just means letting go of the belief that you have been a victim to something). Instead, it seeks to punish so-called evil doers. The entire justice system in Christian countries is based on this need to “see to it that the perpetrators are brought to justice.”

I’m not condoning action that is harmful to another. I’m explaining where our belief in needing someone else to complete us comes from. It is a core belief that we have been teaching and practicing for centuries and it comes from the notion of being a sinner who needs saving from a God who will not tolerate evil. Such a notion of course, makes this God extremely conditional, for unconditional implies just that—no conditions. No need for humans to be a certain way, therefore, no need for humans to believe in any saviors. The only reason why we have believed that this is what God expects from us is because we bought into the illusion that we are separate from God, which is why the savior complex has appealed to the masses. It’s also why historically we have allowed authority figures to use these beliefs as the basis of keeping order, because when you believe you are separate from love (or God, same thing), you naturally don’t feel safe and thus, look outside yourself for someone else to provide some sort of protection. This is also precisely what the core motivation of all so-called evil is—humans attempting to make up for something they feel is lacking on the inside. And because of this belief in inner lack, the outer world reflects this lack, and this drives some humans to take matters into their own hands in order to get what they feel is only their fair share or their piece of the pie.

However, the good news is, this illusion can be corrected and with a new awareness of who you really are, you can begin to take responsibility for this deep desire for love that is within, by choosing to be the one who fills this need. First, you stop looking outside yourself for someone else to satisfy your needs. For example, when this aspect pops up that feels sexual and begins aching to be with another, what you need to do is to remind this horny part of you that you already have that love. You tell this aspect not to worry because you will give it the love that it seeks, because you are the love that it seeks. Then you allow yourself to experience those feelings of desire and you observe them with compassion. Do not resist them. Just allow your sexual desire to have its say but meanwhile don’t identify with it. You are not your sexual desire. You are the I am. This is true spirituality. As the I am, your embrace of these desires allows them to become integrated within you. Doing this every time such desires show up will eventually allow such needy energy or longing for someone to love you to subside. You will actually begin to feel whole. You begin to realize that you need no one else to fill you up. Now you are free to pursue such a relationship without the feeding energy. No more need to manipulate or control someone else for personal sexual gain.

This is actually true love because it is you truly loving yourself. Our tendency historically to look outside ourselves to get our need for true love met has actually caused us to be inauthentic because we have been denying ourselves of experiencing our own true love nature. We’ve been living under the pretenses of a lie that we alone are not enough and thus, withholding from ourselves what we’ve had all along—true love. No wonder there is such historic resentment between the sexes. Both have been using each other in an attempt to get what they have considered their natural need for this true love to be met. But this using each other has been manipulative and controlling and that’s why so many relationships begin to feel suffocating at times. Unless both come to a mutual agreement on issues, the relationship ends. Even with mutual agreements, as long as both continue to harbor a need for someone outside themselves to fill their need for true love, the relationship can never really be truly authentic. Such a need stops a human from being fully expressed because they are not in touch with the fullness of who they really are.

So it is my invitation to you to take time to get in touch with who you really are. Cultivate a relationship with the unconditional loving being that you truly are and begin giving this love to all aspects of yourself—horny or other needy ones, angry ones, jealous ones, lonely ones, hurting ones, depressed ones, whatever the case may be. Each of your emotional aspects exist simply because they have not been given the love they truly seek by the one who created them in the first place—you, and going outside to find someone else, or a drug, or even sex, to get that love simply does not work. It never has worked. It only perpetuates the desire and thus, the illusion of separation from who you really are. It’s time for humanity to begin claiming our sovereignty as an autonomous creator. Knowing who you are by having cultivated a deep connection with the true love that you are, you now have the freedom to express yourself without concern and you are also free to love others without fear of being hurt. When you know who you are, you can never be hurt. Knowing who you are solves all relationship issues.


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