Posted by: justbewhoyouare | October 10, 2014

A LITTLE ‘AND’ GOES A LONG WAYS

There once was a boy who in March 1953 entered the physical dimension in a small town in eastern Nebraska feeling rather lost. From his earliest years fear and frustration ruled his days AND yet somewhere deep inside, very well hidden and yet unquestionably present was a knowing that nothing is as it seems. Such knowing was lost on this young boy however as he struggled within himself to grasp what in the world he had gotten himself into AND at the same time angels surrounded him with tremendous compassion and love AND somewhere deep inside he sensed this, although unconsciously.

School was a disaster for this boy from day one. After his mother dropped him off at a Catholic Mass that preceded his kindergarten class, rather than follow the other kids over to the school building at the conclusion of Mass he panicked, AND yet somehow managed to make his way six blocks back home only to discover a locked house and his mother nowhere to be found, AND as he sat on the front porch steps sobbing unbeknownst to him these very same angels were holding him in a very warm loving, compassionate embrace.

With no conscious knowledge of such loving support, from that moment on things only got worse. Not only was he afraid of just about everything that moved including his own shadow, he had plenty of reasons to be afraid at school as a certain few bullies used him as a target of ridicule AND during those moments when their words and actions sent him to the ground hurting, hundreds of invisible angelic cheerleaders were with him, encouraging him to get back up and carry on.

As if being persecuted at school wasn’t bad enough, at home he felt both misunderstood and alone because his parents were too busy trying to make ends meet to offer any affection, instead focusing on maintaining obedience through occasional harsh discipline. By the time he was ten years old he felt lost in the middle as the fifth of what had then become ten siblings AND at the same time, this predicament was exactly what he needed to begin cultivating a sense of independence that would eventually allow him to find the courage to be himself regardless of what others thought about him (although it would be years before he realized this).

During his teen years the outer harassment died down considerably but this actually had an adverse affect on him for now he felt ignored and thus, more alone than ever. This also caused inner mental harassment, something that had been going on within him all along, to become even more pronounced. Like all the other teenage boys in his class, he desperately wanted a girl friend in order to feel loved, comforted, and accepted but his low self-esteem caused by his inner critic made this impossible to create AND yet, this caused him to turn to God seeking answers to questions none of his other classmates would even begin asking for many years to come.

Even though he feared God immensely, on some level he also knew he was being guided and protected by Him AND thus, although without even once thinking about it, deep within him a trust was growing that slowly became the courage he needed to follow his instincts AND this allowed him to begin giving himself many amazing adventures.

For example, around the age of fourteen a neighbor kid who went to a different school befriended him AND this turned out to be a tremendous Godsend, for if it wasn’t for this one friend he wouldn’t have had any friends at all at that age. Thus he spent many hours with his new friend, who he looked up to because he was very out-going and seemed to know things about life (sex in particular) that no one else had ever told him. This friend introduced him to cigarettes AND encouraged him to grow his hair long, something his parents frowned on and was forbidden at his high school.

That same year he managed to find a job at a neighborhood grocery store AND this added significantly to his growing sense of independence, which manifested over the next four years in particular in his willingness to not only not cut his hair, but to also wear radical looking clothing such as a white pair of pants with brown trees printed on the legs, a pair of blue jeans that he had a tailor turn into bellbottoms by sewing US flag looking material into the seams of both legs, AND a brown suede leather jacket decorated with fringe.

Age eighteen turned out to be a very pivotal year in terms of his growing awareness that there is more to life than meets the eye AND although he would not recognize the significance of this for years to come, this one year of his life was indeed monumental.

It really began in the latter part of his seventeenth year when the common thread of smoking cigarettes in the school bathroom allowed him to get his foot in the door of a group of guys he so desperately wanted to be accepted by AND that seemed to occur without any effort on his part. One day out of the blue one of them invited him to skip school together AND this turned out to be his introduction to marijuana, which later became hashish and LSD.

Although the fear of punishment for breaking some of the rules was certainly not new to him, he didn’t take lightly the potential repercussion involved with the risk of skipping school, not too mention using illegal drugs, AND yet the pros far outweighed the cons, for this was the most fun he could ever remember having AND this shows that sometimes he was willing to put loving himself over the critical voice in his head that seemed to always be finding fault with anything he chose to do no matter what it was.

For example, when at age sixteen he quit his job in order to pursue a long-time desire to play basketball, he was tormented ruthlessly by the voice in his head that continually told him he would never make the team; that he was not good enough and yet, when he listened to this voice, quit the team and went back to his job, those same mental voices now lame blasted him for being a quitter.

Nevertheless, he was so influenced by this group of high school kids who were now his friends that he felt more courageous than ever before AND that led to a gutsy choice in August 1970 to drive his recently acquired VW Bug 500 miles to Denver to see the rock band’s Mountain and Jethro Tull perform at Red Rocks Amphitheater AND while there he stayed with the son of a co-worker whom he had never even met.

Then in June 1971, days after his high school graduation AND against his parent’s wishes, he headed off in his VW Bug to McRea, Louisiana together with a friend from his high school group to attend The Celebration of Life Rock Festival only to experience his car’s engine blowing up in Missouri. Though he was quite shaken emotionally, his friend was determined to get there so they abandoned the car behind a gas station and chose to hitchhike the rest of the way AND it just happened that the first person to pick them up was on his way to this very festival AND even more amazing was that at the end of the festival eight days later they met someone from their hometown who gave them a ride back, dropping them off at their front doors!

Shortly thereafter his dad helped him tow his car back from Missouri AND one of his brothers repaired it for him. Two months later he chose to travel another 500 miles alone, this time to Minneapolis where the rock band’s The Who and Wishbone Ash were scheduled to perform but just outside Des Moines, Iowa the engine of his VW Bug blew up once again. Devastated, he broke down crying. He ended up having to not only again abandon has car but to also have money wired to him just to get back home on a bus AND this time his brother went with him to tow it back AND then ended up putting a whole new engine into it for him.

However, a month later a car accident totaled his VW Bug by sandwiching it between two other cars, sending him to the hospital AND within three days he experienced a miracle healing of what the doctors had called a hairline fracture to his neck. Such healing did not occur however before uttering many silent yet very sincere prayers while lying in a hospital bed with his head and neck in traction. In those prayers he promised God he would do anything He wanted if He would heal him AND so, after this miracle healing, he now consciously knew there not only is a God, but that He actually cared enough to heal him.

To his surprise (AND deep inner delight), in October that same year his top childhood persecutor actually befriended him when they unexpectedly bumped into each other. It just so happened this former childhood tormentor had turned spiritual and immediately began speaking about the nature of life and the universe, as he now understood it.

What was spoken that day touched such a deep chord within him that it wasn’t long before he found himself living in a commune with his new friend and four others AND thus began an entirely new chapter in which he spent the next three years living and traveling with these folks, and oh what a ride it was.

Due to his ignorance of how much pent up frustration and pain he was harboring within him, the stress of being so physically close to so many eventually caused an emotional breakdown AND yet this solicited deep love and compassion from a slightly older woman who was the leader of this commune AND as far as he was concerned, was the loving mother he believed he had never had before. With such acceptance and approval he suddenly found the courage to speak to strangers about his newfound spiritual discoveries, whereas before he had always been shy around others. This also opened up a creative aspect AND he began learning how to make rings out of silver and turquoise.

Another significant experience occurred in June 1972 when he and his neighbor friend drove together 450 miles to Oklahoma City to see the rock band Jethro Tull again, without having purchased tickets. Imagine their dismay when they arrived at the ticket booth and were told the concert was sold out AND now imagine their delight when, standing there looking dumfounded at each other in disbelief at their misfortune, the phone inside the booth rang and moments later the attendant told them that that call had been a cancellation which had opened up two tickets for sale, six rows from the stage! When he added this experience to the list of the many other significant things that had already happened to him, by now it was clear to this growing young man that God was absolutely involved in his personal life.

Towards the end of the three years with this commune, he experienced yet another miracle. While he was sitting in the passenger seat of a two door Volkswagen Sedan as it was traveling along the twisty roads of the San Bernardino Mountains north of San Diego, a dog dashed out in front of the vehicle causing the driver to swerve the car away from the dog towards the mountain edge where there was no guardrail protection. Instinctively this young man grabbed the wheel and yanked it back towards the mountain but the sudden shift of momentum this caused threw it off balance, causing it to begin tipping over in that direction, so the driver quickly yanked the wheel back the other direction, which then caused it to immediately flip over the edge. Down the mountain the car rolled over and over again (at least 50 yards) AND yet neither one of them had been injured in anyway when it finally came to a stop with its wheels up in the air, looking like a mangled hunk of metal.

This experience had a profound effect on him AND, remembering the first miracle, he was now more than convinced God had a plan for his life AND this knowing was perhaps the greatest reason why in February 1975, less than half a year later, he allowed himself to be swallowed up by a religious organization the press at the time was calling ‘The Moonies’, led by a Korean evangelist who claimed to be the Second Coming of Christ. Thus began yet another era of his adventure that lasted a total of 23 years AND included being matched to a woman in 1979 and three years later married in a mass wedding of 2075 couples in Madison Square Garden.

1998 was the year he chose to divorce both Moon and his wife AND from then until now he has focused on learning to love himself, however that may have looked and felt like at any given time. These past 16 years have not been without the continuation of many lifetime-old habits of self-abuse and addiction AND yet, he has also come to realize that the God he always thought was out there somewhere actually exists right inside his heart AND is in fact who he really is.

Which brings this story to the now moment. Everything written above about the past was done from the perspective of a 61-year-old grown man, the now future Self of the growing young man who has been the subject of this story AND from this now moment perspective, this now mature man realizes, thanks to having taken the time to reflect on everything he has thus far, that there is nothing more to reflect upon for it is now clear to him just how much of a master he is AND always has been.

With such awareness he now knows he has no need to write any further details about any of the remarkable and amazing experiences he has had thus far because he knows they were all absolutely perfect. He now realizes just how wonderful as well as creative they all were, no matter how painful or joyful AND as a master he is now able to forgive himself for all the times when he thought he did something wrong and thus believed he was unworthy AND for all the times he abused himself and others because he didn’t understand how to take responsibility for himself.

Such forgiveness comes because he now realizes the most important thing any human can possibly realize: “I exist” AND therefore, “I am that I am”. With this awareness comes the knowing that all is well in his creation AND thus, he is able to step away from a victim consciousness for the first time in his life AND to now begin taking responsibility as the creator.

He also now knows that all energies are in service to him AND that they are now set in motion to bring to him a level of abundance he has thus far been unwilling to give himself AND at the same time he also knows if there are any illusions still lingering within him, the energies will now go to work to flush them all out, eventually leaving only the pure, crystalline I am AND he is completely willing to allow the energies to serve him in both these ways.

AND so it is that the story of this young boy turned mature man comes to an end AND a new story of a master begins – the new energy story of a master living life in the moment, allowing the soul to experience what it is like to walk the earth fully embodied within a human.

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